Hungover French Toast

This post originally appeared on Soapbox on January 29, 2017.

"Drunk-You" forgot to put a big glass of water by your bed. It feels like there is a large man wearing high heels standing on your frontal lobe. Something rotten is happening in the state of your digestive system.

You went out last night and probably had a great time. But now, you must pay.

You also must nourish your sorry self.

French toast is so easy that an eight-year-old could make it. Also, if we are being honest, I'm tired of writing this intro because my head hurts.


  • However many pieces of bread you're going to want to eat. I used 2.

  • Butter to grease the pan (Not too much. But butter makes things better so do whatever you want. You also might cut too much because your depth perception is still a little off from last night. That's fine, you do you).

  • 2 eggs

  • A sploosh of milk

  • A sprinkle of cinnamon or icing sugar. I don't have icing sugar. I'm not fancy.

  • Berries or whatever fruit you want. Blackberries are easy because 1) they were in my fridge and 2) there is only washing/cutting involved in prepping them.

  • Maple syrup (as needed).

Prep time (alleged): Does this matter? You're hungover.
Cook time (alleged): Please read above.

Step one: Drink a big glass of water. Your body is really dehydrated. You can make some coffee and continue the dehydration parade later. But now, you need water. DRINK IT.

Step two: Break two eggs into a bowl. Put in the sploosh of milk and make like you're about to make scrambled eggs. You're not - you're making French toast.

Step three: Ponder over whether French toast's origins are in France, or in the Americas. Try to remember the cute boy you talked to at the bar. Fail miserably to do so.

Step four: Heat up the pan to just above medium heat and put in butter. Make sure the butter covers the entire bottom of the pan. This will make cleaning up in your sorry state easier later.

Step five: Soak the bread in the eggy washy mixture thing and then put the egg soaked (ew) bread into the hot, buttery (ew... but delicious) pan. Wait for them to fry, and flip them a few times.

Step six: Once the toast has browned, take them out of the pan. Sprinkle with cinnamon, do whatever fruity things you want to do, add maple syrup (as needed), and enjoy.

Now that you've nourished yourself, go back to bed until you feel a little bit better. Have a splendid Sunday.