Bitter Valentine's Day Cookies

This post originally appeared on Soapbox on February 14, 2017.

Sometimes the constant barrage of "LOOK AT US AND OUR LOVE AND JOY" posts on Instagram get really, really tiring.

Maybe your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend posts a little excessively about their new relationship. Maybe you're counting down the days until they're out of the honeymoon phase with glee. Maybe you had to unfollow some Instagram accounts because you just want to look at high-quality bath products without being reminded of your relationship status.

If you're as bitter as I am about commercial holidays, please fight back with me and my bitter (but very sweet) Valentine's Day cookies!

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This one is a doozy. It will take you hours. For real, this is the first thing I have ever baked which requires actual skill. I learned this the hard way. You'd best be prepared for this to be an all evening activity. Which is perfect, because you're alone! It will also keep you away from all your married friends/couple friends/friends with babies posting about the love in their lives on social media!

I'm using this recipe. I've never made sugar cookies before. Disclaimer: if you want to ice something, you have to wait til it's cooled off. Just know that before you begin. If you want to make the icing and just eat it with a spoon, I will not judge you.

All of the instructions are directly from or modified from the link on aliceandlois.com.

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup butter, room temperature (don't throw it in the microwave. Just wait until it's room temperature. Your life will be easier).

  • 1 cup sugar

  • 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla

  • 1 egg

  • 1 tsp water

  • 3 cups flour

  • 1/4 tsp salt


    COOKIES:

Cream (use a mixer to make creamy) the butter, sugar, and vanilla. PLEASE REMEMBER THE SUGAR IS NOT PART OF THE DRY INGREDIENTS.

Add egg and water. Beat (use your mixer) until it's fluffy.

Combine flour, baking powder, salt. Sift together (put them in the same bowl).

Blend dry mixture into creamed mixture (use a mixer to make dough). Divide dough in half. Wrap each half in plastic wrap or wax paper and chill for one hour.

When the hour has passed, spread some flour on a counter and roll out the dough evenly. You're going to want the cookies to bake evenly so that one side isn't just like super invested and the other side is raw and checked out. I’m fine.

Use a heart shaped cookie cutter and cut out the dough. Put the cute little hearts onto a baking pan. Some of them might break. You might burst into tears and blast some Abba. These are just hypothetical situations.

Bake at 375 degrees for 6-8 minutes.

ICING:

Start with 2 cups of powdered sugar. Add 1 tsp vanilla and 1 tablespoon of melted butter. Stir in teaspoons of milk at a time until you reach desired consistency.

PRO TIP: do not just add a sloosh of milk and say "it will be fine". It will not be fine. Icing soup is real and it’s not just because you are crying.

Food colouring: Use a very small amount. As my mother always says, you can always add more but you can't take any away. I got a really nice cotton candy colour from 2 drops.

Food writing: I didn't have an icing pipe. If you also don't have an icing pipe even though you absolutely 1000000% thought you did, cut the corner off of a plastic freezer bag and make it tight and pray it goes well.